Let go of the negative and improve self-esteem
Posted July 26, 2011on:
Negative self-messages are bad for your health. Down beat beliefs can undermine your confidence and destroy your credibility. Toxic thinking can cancel careers.
You needn’t be caught in the trap. You can make a choice to let go of the negative and take on a positive attitude. You have to begin by making the choice. ‘But how do I do that?’ I hear you say. Begin by finding someone who truly supports you. What they would say about you? Listen to what they say and believe it. It’s about changing the messages we give ourselves, and deciding if we do want to change, that we are doing it for ourselves and no-one else.
Find out what motivates you; is it pulling yourself towards something or pushing something out? You need to be really clear about the reasons for your negativity and work on disposing of them by; setting clear, achievable and measurable goals, finding out what’s important to you; and believing that changing your attitude is the first step.
The key to improving self-esteem, however you decide you do it, is giving yourself new positive messages.
Most people lack self-esteem because of negative messages they’ve received in their life. This is because all too often, people compare themselves to others and pick bad role models, resulting in a constant feeling of inadequacy.
Too many of us live by others standards and forget to look at ourselves. What’s good or bad for you, is going to be different in every person. We all continue to ‘buy into’ and surround ourselves with negative messages.
In order to calm your nerves before an important meeting, do abdominal breathing. Fill yourself up with air and focus on feeling ‘centred’. This will relax and focus you. Then visualise how you want to be perceived and create that vision. If you want to come across as determined, furious and focussed, imagine yourself that way, and then act that way.
Keep in mind that some nervous energy is good, it keeps you on your toes and will help you remain energised.
Can a person with low self-esteem fake self-confidence, even if they don’t feel it?
Yes, because how you behave directly impacts how you feel. So if we make a conscious effort to behave in a more confident way, we will begin to feel more confident. We’ve all been able to act with confidence at some point in our lives, perhaps when we were children, so take yourself back to that time and analyse your behaviour. Were you sitting upright, smiling, making direct eye-contact? The trick is to ‘act as if’ and you can ‘create the state’.
Start to look at what you do well. Pick something, regardless of how silly you think it is – whether you’re great at writing e-mails or a fantastic mother, find something you know you’re good at and build from there.
My top tips for improving self esteem are:
- Remove negative thoughts and influences from your environment
- Create new positive messages for yourself
- Having a clear image of what self esteem means to you
- Surround yourself with people who value you
- Judge yourself by your own values, not someone else’s
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